I've been busy...er...reading. ;)

I would like to mark the triumphant return to my blog with this bit of inspiration... the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy!!

Wait...what?  What's that ya say?  Not everyone is now in love with Christian Grey?  Not everyone has read the novels three times a piece?  Not everyone hates Anastasia Steele?  Not everyone is spending more "time" *wink wink* with their significant other as a result?

Huh... I don't get it.

Now, let me just say this-- at the risk of offending the author, E L James, I understand that it's not a Pulitzer prize-winning piece of writing.  I had to state this fact because I know there might be someone saying, "Well, it just isn't a very well-written novel.  It's very simple, not very complex.".  Well, quite frankly, I'm extremely glad it's simple.  I'm really glad it gets straight to the point...quickly...and A LOT. 

I'm going to address the elephant in the blog-- there's lots of tyin', cuffin', whippin', smackin', beatin' and all-around sexin' goin' on.  And being an independent, healthy woman & wife in her 30's, I will state very clearly that I really enjoyed all of it.  And, in all honesty, that's the reason I bought the first book... was to read about all the hanky spanky.  But the reason I continued reading the books was because there's a pretty good relationship story.  I found myself actually rooting for Anastasia & Christian as a couple.  I still am... ;)

I will say this-- in my opinion, there's some cheesy sexual dialogue written in these novels.  Especially for Christian...which really just breaks my heart.  The dirty girl in me wishes that he would've been a little more... how shall I say this delicately... DIRTY!!  Say the "f" word, dude!  Don't be scared, just say the naughty words!  Ahem...sorry.  Got a little carried away with that.  But you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, ladies!  Right??  But, sometimes, you just can't go wrong with "Do you want to play?"  Sigh...

Which one is my favorite?  Probably Fifty Shades Darker...yep, definitely Darker.  It shows them breaking up (albeit for only 5 days..!!), it shows them getting back together.  It shows what Christian's willing to do to keep Anastasia.  It shows a building storyline of suspense that kinda surprised me.  Well, only kinda surprised me... but it was still interesting & insightful for Christian's character.  Oh, and did I mention that Darker has a scene that involves a pool table & a ruler?  Wow... ;)  By the way, be sure to catch the deliciously insightful sections at the end of Fifty Shades Freed.  Double Wow... ;)


Are these novels supposed to be the literary pillars of our time?  No.  Are they meant to challenge the most highly-educated & sophisticated members of our society?  Maybe, maybe not.  But you've gotta admit-- 20 million copies sold is impressive.  That means they're popular...that means someone is really enjoying them.

And that really includes me... really enjoying them... really!!

Laters, baby.  ;)

Automated phone choices...

How many of you have a job that has an automated phone system?  You know the kind I'm talking about-- "Thank you for calling such-n-such company.  Press "1" for customer service..." etc., etc.

Our office just got hooked up with this modern marvel.  It truly is a time-saver...as well as a not-go-completely-crazy-at-work-and-have-a-meatball-breakdown ...saver.  Whew!  Ahem...sorry about that.

Now, onto the reason for this blog.  Anyone who is now reading this is about to find out how utterly sarcastic & kinda sorta downright cynical I can be at times.  I will briefly defend my upcoming list by saying that anyone who has ever had a job working with the public in any capacity...ANY capacity...will relate to this.  That is all.

These are the phone choices for the public at large trying to call my office...on a bad day.  OK, maybe not-- this list is only for enjoyment (and satisfaction) purposes.  But they are in my head quite often!  Enjoy, my occasionally cynical lovelies!  ;)

**Press one if you have absolutely no clue why you're calling and are completely unprepared.  We will be sure to hang up on you right away.

**Press two if you don't have a billing question-- but you'd rather just complain about how your payment has increased by $5.00-- over a six month period.  Click... *dialtone*

**Press three if you'd like to ask us why your coverage has canceled.  Oh, you haven't paid your bill??  In four months??  Well, I'll save you some time...THAT'S WHY YOUR COVERAGE CANCELED!!  Click... (yep) *dialtone*

**Press four if you'd like to set up an appointment at 1:00pm, then not show up for the scheduled appointment until 4:55pm.  Or just press four then press one if you're just gonna pop in unannounced and spend two hours getting information.  We'll be sure to lock the door & hide under our desks.

**Press five for our office directory.  Oh, wait, let me forward you to their voicemail... they're not going to answer at the moment.  Not because they are on another line or away from their desks, but because... THEY JUST DON'T CARE RIGHT NOW!!

Aaahhhhhh...that felt good!  ;)