Automated phone choices...

How many of you have a job that has an automated phone system?  You know the kind I'm talking about-- "Thank you for calling such-n-such company.  Press "1" for customer service..." etc., etc.

Our office just got hooked up with this modern marvel.  It truly is a time-saver...as well as a not-go-completely-crazy-at-work-and-have-a-meatball-breakdown ...saver.  Whew!  Ahem...sorry about that.

Now, onto the reason for this blog.  Anyone who is now reading this is about to find out how utterly sarcastic & kinda sorta downright cynical I can be at times.  I will briefly defend my upcoming list by saying that anyone who has ever had a job working with the public in any capacity...ANY capacity...will relate to this.  That is all.

These are the phone choices for the public at large trying to call my office...on a bad day.  OK, maybe not-- this list is only for enjoyment (and satisfaction) purposes.  But they are in my head quite often!  Enjoy, my occasionally cynical lovelies!  ;)

**Press one if you have absolutely no clue why you're calling and are completely unprepared.  We will be sure to hang up on you right away.

**Press two if you don't have a billing question-- but you'd rather just complain about how your payment has increased by $5.00-- over a six month period.  Click... *dialtone*

**Press three if you'd like to ask us why your coverage has canceled.  Oh, you haven't paid your bill??  In four months??  Well, I'll save you some time...THAT'S WHY YOUR COVERAGE CANCELED!!  Click... (yep) *dialtone*

**Press four if you'd like to set up an appointment at 1:00pm, then not show up for the scheduled appointment until 4:55pm.  Or just press four then press one if you're just gonna pop in unannounced and spend two hours getting information.  We'll be sure to lock the door & hide under our desks.

**Press five for our office directory.  Oh, wait, let me forward you to their voicemail... they're not going to answer at the moment.  Not because they are on another line or away from their desks, but because... THEY JUST DON'T CARE RIGHT NOW!!

Aaahhhhhh...that felt good!  ;)